＜出会い＞ The Meeting
Sign here if you think everything's fine: *汁: Probably okay **天: Hm I'd have wished for more people to approve of this but with no objections in the last 10 days I think this is finished. ***味: I'm not sure why I didn't give my thumbs up to this before. If there's something in the text I missed about me waiting for somethign to get fixed that I might have missed, please let me know ^^; Translation <出会い> The Meeting 浮きはぴくりともしない。今日は当たりが悪いらしい。太陽が真上に来る前からここに座っているけれど、未だに竿が動いた試しがない。 よく見れば、魚なんていないじゃないかと思って川を覗いてみれば、時々小魚が通り過ぎる程度だった。 魚籠の中に入っているのは、川の水だけ。今日の夕飯はどうやらキノコや、卵だけになりそうだ。 俺は、竿を左右に振りながら、ふうとため息をついた。 The bobber doesn’t even move. Clearly, the fish are not biting today. I've been sitting here since before noon, but the fishing rod hasn’t even made an effort to move. You would think that there aren’t any fish in the river at all, but if you look closely some small fish pass by from time to time. The only thing in the creel is water from the river. Looks like for tonight’s dinner we’ll have to stick to mushrooms and eggs. I sigh while shaking the fishing rod from side to side. the correct term is float or bobber for the fishing utensil, floater for me and a large population of the country it means something.... else that is not pretty i changed it to bobber. "Made an effort to move" sounds kind of weird, like the pole itself can do such a thing. Also changed "creel" to "creek" since I'm pretty sure that's what was meant to be typed. Also, lol @ floater |DA creel is a fishing basket.Ah, gotcha. Not too familiar with fishing terminology ^^; そう言えば、最近あの子に会ってないな。ぐるぐる巻きの尻尾の女の子。 ここに来る度に会えるかどうかなんて考えてるけど、あれから一度も会えてない。今日は会えるだろうか。せめて、名前くらいは聞きたいなぁ。 Come to think of it, I haven’t seen her in a while. That girl with the bandaged tail. I’ve thought about meeting her while coming here, but I haven’t seen her at all since last time. I wonder if we’ll meet today. I want to at least know her name. Changing "all wrapped up" to bandaged here. 俺は、少し胸がドキドキしてきたが、期待して何も無かったら、ちょっと悲しいと思い、余計な期待はしないことにした。 I'm a little excited, but since I don't want to be disappointed if she won't turn up I decide not to get my hopes up too high. That does sound better. I've changed it."Wouldn't" doesn't seem to fit right, but I can see the double "didn't" being a nuisance as well Did some tense corrections, does it sound better now? It does ^^; 森を抜け、浮島に続く川の前に立つ。飛び石を伝い、いざ浮島に渡ろうとしたその時、視界に見たことのある姿が飛び込んできた。 I leave the forest and stop by the river surrounding the island. As I am about to cross over the stepping stones a familiar shape comes jumping into view. "into my view" just doesn't work. "in my line on sight" would though"Into my view" makes more sense to me (as a native speaker of english) about "comes jumping into view" or "into sight". because the story is currently in his perspective so "my" would be assumed and both make sense. Ok, I removed the "my" then. 浮島の少し小高い場所にいるのは、間違いなく彼女だ！ 俺は今度こそ仲良くなりたくて、飛び石を渡りながら、声をかける。 No doubt about it. It’s her, standing atop a small hill on the island! I really want to get to know her this time, so I call out while crossing over the stepping stones. 【リック】「おーい！　おーい！　おー・・・アレ？」 瞬間、世界がぐるりと回転する。上にあった空が下になり、目の前を飛び石と川の水が通り過ぎる。 俺、泳ぎは苦手なんだよな・・・。 Rick: “Hey! Hey! He... Huh?” In a split second the world goes topsy-turvy. this word too silly? I kind of like it…Sounds good to me. :PThe "Huh" doesn't translate very for what seems be a spectacular fall to me.Another translation would be "Eh", but it really is just a "huh?" and no scream or curse or anything ^^"fine to me The sky above me ends up beneath me and the river and the stepping stones pass by in front of my eyes. I’m not very good at swimming... ざっぷーん！　ざっぷーん！ ・・・・・・・・・・・・。 ・・・・・・・・・。 ・・・・・・。 ・・・。 *splash!* *splash!* If anyone has a better suggestion, please feel free to change because I honestly have no idea what to put here…[天: I'd go with ''*splish!* *splash!* here too.]its difficult to put sounds into writing ಠ_ಠ. but yeh, it'll make more sence with a picture to go with it. "Splish Splash" sounds kinda silly ("Splish Splash, I was takin a bath"), I think 2 splashes will work just fine ^^; Alright, changed it then ^^".'' ………… ……… …… … 【？？？】「・・・大丈夫？」 【リック】「ん・・・、・・・・・・」 【？？？】「・・・水、飲んでない？」 【リック】「ん・・・、・・・・・・あッ！」 俺は、がばっと起きあがる。 ???: “...Are you alright?” Rick: “Uhn…, ......” ???: “...Did you swallow any water?” Rick: “Un…, ......Ah!” I spring to my feet. Needs more dots. まだぼんやりとする視界の中に一人の影があった。 【リック】「き、君は・・・」 俺の目の前にいたのは、あの子だった。 俺が気がついたのを確認すると、女の子はほっと安堵の表情を浮かべ、 たき火を挟んだ向こう側に行き、ちょこんと座った。 I can see a shadow in my somewhat blurry field of vision. Rick: “Y-, you're…” That girl is in front of me, sitting on the other side of a fire. When she notices that I have regained consciousness, she looks relieved. juggled the paragraph. The way it introduces her location just doesn't work 【リック】「あ・・・、助けてくれてありがとう」 状況からして、川に落ちた俺を、あの子が岸に引き上げ、火を焚いてくれたようだった。 【？？？】「よかった。突然、川に落ちちゃうんだもの」 初めて聞いたあの子の声。少し小さな声だけれど、とても可愛い声だ。 Rick: “Um…, thanks for saving me.” From the looks of it, the girl pulled me out of the river onto the shore and lit a fire to warm me up. Not sure how to get the meaning of くれる into this sentence. [天: Maybe "and lit a fire ''for me" or a little freer "and lit a fire'' to warm me up''", that way we could keep the meaning of "doing something for someone".] Good thinking. I've changed it to "to warm me up"'' ???: “Thank goodness. I didn’t expect you to fall into the river like that.” It's the first time I hear her voice. A rather quiet, but very sweet voice. 女の子は、じっと動かず、俺の方を見ていた。 【リック】「実はさ、俺ってどうも泳ぐの苦手でさ。　あのまま流れてたら、あの先の滝から　落ちるところだったよ」 俺は、ちょっとおどけた感じに笑って見せた。 The girl kept looking at me, not making a single movement. Rick: “I’m kinda bad at swimming you know. If I’d been swept away by the river I would have gone down the waterfall downstream.” I laugh a bit, jokingly. 【？？？】「前も、ここで会ったよね」 【リック】「え？　あ、覚えてくれてたんだ」 【？？？】「うん、ちょっとだったけどね」 女の子はそう言って、軽く笑った。 ???: “We’ve met here before, haven’t we?” Rick: “Eh? Ah, you remember.” ???: “Yes, it was quite brief though.” Then she giggles. 【リック】「実はさ、今日、久しぶりに君に会えたから　ドキドキしちゃってさ。　それで、うっかり川の方へ・・・」 【？？？】「まあ、そうなの？」 俺は、ちょっと照れくさかったけれど、軽く返事をしながら笑って見せた。 Rick: “Actually, I got a little excited today ‘cause I had a chance to see you again. That’s why I fell into the river…” ???: “Oh really?” I'm getting somewhat embarrassed, but I just chuckle as I explain. 【リック】「初めて見た時から、友達になりたくてさ。　それで、つい」 【？？？】「ありがとう。　あなたなら、いいお友達に　なれそうだわ」 そう言って笑う女の子。その一挙一動に思わず、笑みをこぼさずにはいられない。 Rick: “I wanted to become friends with you since I saw you the first time. And then suddenly...” ???: “Thank you. I think you would make a great friend.” She says that and laughs. I really can’t help but join in on her smile. Not following the original text exactly, but I think the message gets across anyway. Comments? [天: Translating the その一挙一動に思わず as "I couldn't help" should be ok. "Without thinking about every little thing", I don't know how we could put that in there without making it sound awkward. ] My thoughts exactly. But I think we can leave it out altogether. It really can't be forced into the sentence without screwing it up completely I think. Tentatively put it as "without stressing up". Alternative: "without worrying". I'm sure there a nice idiom somewhere we could use.about" i couldn't help but join in with her smile without tensing up"Sounds good I think.personally I really don't like "tensing up". The image feels way too physicalWell you can't really decrease the effectiveness of tensing up and the mental image it brings. and this sentence has to have been a hard one to convert. Ummm, actually. where did that "without tensing up" come from in the first place ^^"? "warami wo kobosasu ni ha irarenai." Just means '''again '''that he can't help but join in on her smile (literally "spill a smile"). Saying "can't help but" two times just increases the emphasis on it. Maybe a "really" could express that. 舞い上がる気持ちを抑え、頭の中で言いたい言葉を整理する。あれやこれやと選んで、次の句を言いあぐねているうちに名前を言い忘れていることに気がついた。 【リック】「あ、名前、ちゃんと言ってなかったよね。　俺はリック。リック＝ザック。　この向こうのバストークの村に　住んでいるんだ」 I suppress the feelings flying around in my mind and arrange the words I want to say. Then, picking between this and that, struggling to speak the next sentence out, I realize that I had forgotten to mention my name. Rick: “Oh right, I haven’t told you my name yet, have I? I’m Rick. Rick Zack. I live in Bastok village over there.” Fixed some little translation errors. 【？？？】「私の名前はラン。ラン＝タンよ」 【リック】「へぇ、ランって言うんだ。　可愛い名前だね」 【ラン】「ありがとう」 【リック】「どこに住んでるの？　バストークじゃ見かけないから、　やっぱりザパトの方に住んでるの？」 ???: “My name is Ran. Ran Tern.” Rick: “So it’s Ran. That’s a cute name.” Ran: “Thank you.” Rick: “Where do you live? I haven’t seen you in Bastok, so I guess you’re from Zapat.” Any chance her name could be wordplay on "Lantern"? I thought the same thing. XD 俺がそう言うと、なぜかランは黙り込んで俯いた。 【リック】「？　どうしたの？　おなかが痛くなったとか？」 【ラン】「あ、そうじゃないの。ごめんなさい」 She suddenly falls silent. Rick: “What’s wrong? Do you have a stomach ache or something?” Ran: “No, that’s not it. I’m sorry.” My, he's a dense one, ain't he? leave him alone its not his fault. Somehow I got the feeling that the "or something?" sounds a little pushy. 【リック】「なら、いいんだけど。　それで、どこに住んでるの？」 【ラン】「・・・いいじゃない、そんなこと。　それとも、言わなくちゃ、　お友達になれない？」 【リック】「そ、そんなことないよ！」 Rick: “OK, that’s good then. So, where do you live?” Ran: “…Does that really matter? Or don’t you want to be my friend unless I tell you?” Rick: “W- what, no, that’s not what I meant.” This feels so-so.I think it's ok. It's a very ambiguous little sentence. あまり言いたくないことを言わせることはない。逆にしつこくして、嫌われても困るし。 【ラン】「私、時々ここに来るわ。　もしよかったら、また話し相手に　なってくれる？」 【リック】「え？　も、もちろん！」 I won’t force her to tell me stuff she doesn’t want to talk about. Besides, if I’m too persistent, she might distance herself from me again… There's gotta be a less scienc-y word![月: how about "she might pull (herself) away from me again"'' but i personally like distance, best word to describe emotional detachment.]Completely pro "distance"'' Ran: “I come here once in a while. If it’s OK with you, maybe we can talk some more another time.” Rick: “Eh? O-, of course!” 思いがけないランの言葉。まさか、こんなにうまく仲良くなれるなんて思ってもみなかった。 【ラン】「ごめんなさいね、今日はもう　帰らなきゃ。　また会いましょう？」 ランはそう言って立ち上がると、にっこり笑った。 Those were Ran’s unexpected words. I never thought we would become close this smoothly. Ran: “I’m sorry but I have to go home now. Let’s meet again.” She then stands up and smiles. 【リック】「あ、うん・・・」 もう少し、話がしたい、そう思いながらも引き留めることができない。あまり、深く何かを訊いてはいけない。 Rick: “Ah, yeah…” I want to talk to her for a bit more I think to myself, but I can’t stop her now. Also, I can’t ask her any questions that are too personal. Not entirely sure if this is correct. Sounds right to me. The 深く何か'を訊いて　is a little weird here, but translating it as "ask something profound" is better than "ask too profoundly about something" (given that I'm not messing up adverbial and adnominal forms again XD). Maybe one of our native (or near native :P) speakers can tell us if "profound" is ok. I think other legit translations would be "deep" or "personal" or something.I say "personal". "Deep" brings to mind philosophy and a whole different tone.personal is good 【リック】「じゃ、また」 なんて、笑顔で手を振りながら見送るのが一番いいんじゃないか。 俺は、ランの後ろ姿を見ながらいつまでも手を振っていた。 Rick: “Well, see you.” It seems saying this with a smile and a wave is the best course of action. While watching Ran from behind, I wave my hand for what seems like forever. Btw. nice working spirit. XD I really gotta catch up to that once I'm done with this stupid paper. >.>" Thank you very much ^^ I tend to work in bulk, so next I'm going for chapters 10-14 if that's alright with the rest of the crew. Let me know if I'm too fast. And good luck with your paper d(^-^)bThanks ^^". ok you're taking 10 to 14, I think if Carteon isn't back by the time I'm done with this, I'll just do 2 and 3.Wish I could say the same for my work ethic T^TWhaat? And I though you were just busy >.< nah, just joking :P I procrastinate a lot too >.>" it's just that it's so much more work than slapping a couple of "Aah"s and "Haa"s on a naughty picture. >.>" Finished version <出会い> The Meeting 浮きはぴくりともしない。今日は当たりが悪いらしい。太陽が真上に来る前からここに座っているけれど、未だに竿が動いた試しがない。 よく見れば、魚なんていないじゃないかと思って川を覗いてみれば、時々小魚が通り過ぎる程度だった。 魚籠の中に入っているのは、川の水だけ。今日の夕飯はどうやらキノコや、卵だけになりそうだ。 俺は、竿を左右に振りながら、ふうとため息をついた。 The bobber doesn’t even move. Clearly, the fish are not biting today. I've been sitting here since before noon, but the fishing rod hasn’t even made an effort to move. You would think that there aren’t any fish in the river at all, but if you look closely some small fish pass by from time to time. The only thing in the creel is water from the river. Looks like for tonight’s dinner we’ll have to stick to mushrooms and eggs. I sigh while shaking the fishing rod from side to side. そう言えば、最近あの子に会ってないな。ぐるぐる巻きの尻尾の女の子。 ここに来る度に会えるかどうかなんて考えてるけど、あれから一度も会えてない。今日は会えるだろうか。せめて、名前くらいは聞きたいなぁ。 Come to think of it, I haven’t seen her in a while. That girl with the bandaged tail. I’ve thought about meeting her while coming here, but I haven’t seen her at all since last time. I wonder if we’ll meet today. I want to at least know her name. 俺は、少し胸がドキドキしてきたが、期待して何も無かったら、ちょっと悲しいと思い、余計な期待はしないことにした。 I'm a little excited, but since I don't want to be disappointed if she won't turn up I decide not to get my hopes up too high. 森を抜け、浮島に続く川の前に立つ。飛び石を伝い、いざ浮島に渡ろうとしたその時、視界に見たことのある姿が飛び込んできた。 I leave the forest and stop by the river surrounding the island. As I am about to cross over the stepping stones a familiar shape comes jumping into view. 浮島の少し小高い場所にいるのは、間違いなく彼女だ！ 俺は今度こそ仲良くなりたくて、飛び石を渡りながら、声をかける。 No doubt about it. It’s her, standing atop a small hill on the island! I really want to get to know her this time, so I call out while crossing over the stepping stones. 【リック】「おーい！　おーい！　おー・・・アレ？」 瞬間、世界がぐるりと回転する。上にあった空が下になり、目の前を飛び石と川の水が通り過ぎる。 俺、泳ぎは苦手なんだよな・・・。 Rick: “Hey! Hey! He... Huh?” In a split second the world goes topsy-turvy. The sky above me ends up beneath me and the river and the stepping stones pass by in front of my eyes. I’m not very good at swimming... ざっぷーん！　ざっぷーん！ ・・・・・・・・・・・・。 ・・・・・・・・・。 ・・・・・・。 ・・・。 splash!* *splash!* ………… ……… …… … 【？？？】「・・・大丈夫？」 【リック】「ん・・・、・・・・・・」 【？？？】「・・・水、飲んでない？」 【リック】「ん・・・、・・・・・・あッ！」 俺は、がばっと起きあがる。 ???: “...Are you alright?” Rick: “Uhn…, ......” ???: “...Did you swallow any water?” Rick: “Un…, ......Ah!” I spring to my feet. まだぼんやりとする視界の中に一人の影があった。 【リック】「き、君は・・・」 俺の目の前にいたのは、あの子だった。 俺が気がついたのを確認すると、女の子はほっと安堵の表情を浮かべ、 たき火を挟んだ向こう側に行き、ちょこんと座った。 I can see a shadow in my somewhat blurry field of vision. Rick: “Y-, you're…” That girl is in front of me, sitting on the other side of a fire. When she notices that I have regained consciousness, she looks relieved. 【リック】「あ・・・、助けてくれてありがとう」 状況からして、川に落ちた俺を、あの子が岸に引き上げ、火を焚いてくれたようだった。 【？？？】「よかった。突然、川に落ちちゃうんだもの」 初めて聞いたあの子の声。少し小さな声だけれど、とても可愛い声だ。 Rick: “Um…, thanks for saving me.” From the looks of it, the girl pulled me out of the river onto the shore and lit a fire to warm me up. ???: “Thank goodness. I didn’t expect you to fall into the river like that.” It's the first time I hear her voice. A rather quiet, but very sweet voice. 女の子は、じっと動かず、俺の方を見ていた。 【リック】「実はさ、俺ってどうも泳ぐの苦手でさ。　あのまま流れてたら、あの先の滝から　落ちるところだったよ」 俺は、ちょっとおどけた感じに笑って見せた。 The girl kept looking at me, not making a single movement. Rick: “I’m kinda bad at swimming you know. If I’d been swept away by the river I would have gone down the waterfall downstream.” I laugh a bit, jokingly. 【？？？】「前も、ここで会ったよね」 【リック】「え？　あ、覚えてくれてたんだ」 【？？？】「うん、ちょっとだったけどね」 女の子はそう言って、軽く笑った。 ???: “We’ve met here before, haven’t we?” Rick: “Eh? Ah, you remember.” ???: “Yes, it was quite brief though.” Then she giggles. 【リック】「実はさ、今日、久しぶりに君に会えたから　ドキドキしちゃってさ。　それで、うっかり川の方へ・・・」 【？？？】「まあ、そうなの？」 俺は、ちょっと照れくさかったけれど、軽く返事をしながら笑って見せた。 Rick: “Actually, I got a little excited today ‘cause I had a chance to see you again. That’s why I fell into the river…” ???: “Oh really?” I'm getting somewhat embarrassed, but I just chuckle as I explain. 【リック】「初めて見た時から、友達になりたくてさ。　それで、つい」 【？？？】「ありがとう。　あなたなら、いいお友達に　なれそうだわ」 そう言って笑う女の子。その一挙一動に思わず、笑みをこぼさずにはいられない。 Rick: “I wanted to become friends with you since I saw you the first time. And then suddenly...” ???: “Thank you. I think you would make a great friend.” She says that and laughs. I really can’t help but join in on her smile. 舞い上がる気持ちを抑え、頭の中で言いたい言葉を整理する。あれやこれやと選んで、次の句を言いあぐねているうちに名前を言い忘れていることに気がついた。 【リック】「あ、名前、ちゃんと言ってなかったよね。　俺はリック。リック＝ザック。　この向こうのバストークの村に　住んでいるんだ」 I suppress the feelings flying around in my mind and arrange the words I want to say. Then, picking between this and that, struggling to speak the next sentence out, I realize that I had forgotten to mention my name. Rick: “Oh right, I haven’t told you my name yet, have I? I’m Rick. Rick Zack. I live in Bastok village over there.” 【？？？】「私の名前はラン。ラン＝タンよ」 【リック】「へぇ、ランって言うんだ。　可愛い名前だね」 【ラン】「ありがとう」 【リック】「どこに住んでるの？　バストークじゃ見かけないから、　やっぱりザパトの方に住んでるの？」 ???: “My name is Ran. Ran Tern.” Rick: “So it’s Ran. That’s a cute name.” Ran: “Thank you.” Rick: “Where do you live? I haven’t seen you in Bastok, so I guess you’re from Zapat.” 俺がそう言うと、なぜかランは黙り込んで俯いた。 【リック】「？　どうしたの？　おなかが痛くなったとか？」 【ラン】「あ、そうじゃないの。ごめんなさい」 She suddenly falls silent. Rick: “What’s wrong? Do you have a stomach ache or something?” Ran: “No, that’s not it. I’m sorry.” 【リック】「なら、いいんだけど。　それで、どこに住んでるの？」 【ラン】「・・・いいじゃない、そんなこと。　それとも、言わなくちゃ、　お友達になれない？」 【リック】「そ、そんなことないよ！」 Rick: “OK, that’s good then. So, where do you live?” Ran: “…Does that really matter? Or don’t you want to be my friend unless I tell you?” Rick: “W- what, no, that’s not what I meant.” あまり言いたくないことを言わせることはない。逆にしつこくして、嫌われても困るし。 【ラン】「私、時々ここに来るわ。　もしよかったら、また話し相手に　なってくれる？」 【リック】「え？　も、もちろん！」 I won’t force her to tell me stuff she doesn’t want to talk about. Besides, if I’m too persistent, she might distance herself from me again… Ran: “I come here once in a while. If it’s OK with you, maybe we can talk some more another time.” Rick: “Eh? O-, of course!” 思いがけないランの言葉。まさか、こんなにうまく仲良くなれるなんて思ってもみなかった。 【ラン】「ごめんなさいね、今日はもう　帰らなきゃ。　また会いましょう？」 ランはそう言って立ち上がると、にっこり笑った。 Those were Ran’s unexpected words. I never thought we would become close this smoothly. Ran: “I’m sorry but I have to go home now. Let’s meet again.” She then stands up and smiles. 【リック】「あ、うん・・・」 もう少し、話がしたい、そう思いながらも引き留めることができない。あまり、深く何かを訊いてはいけない。 Rick: “Ah, yeah…” I want to talk to her for a bit more I think to myself, but I can’t stop her now. Also, I can’t ask her any questions that are too personal. 【リック】「じゃ、また」 なんて、笑顔で手を振りながら見送るのが一番いいんじゃないか。 俺は、ランの後ろ姿を見ながらいつまでも手を振っていた。 Rick: “Well, see you.” It seems saying this with a smile and a wave is the best course of action. While watching Ran from behind, I wave my hand for what seems like forever.